Summer smells...

Finally summer has reached this little corner of Cumbria and everyone is enjoying stripping down to the bare minimum of clothing... But why does losing the clothes mean a loss of sense of smell as well?!?

If I can smell you four seats away then I'm damn sure you can smell yourself!!

Then there's the ultimate terror combination. The people that hate windows being open, the people without a sense of smell and the top deck of a bus. Combined, you have an enclosed space filled with noxious body odour fumes... Ah well... Here comes the Summer!!

Dream Bus Stop...

How nice would this be to wait in instead of a half a plastic box with most of the windows knocked out and the evidence of last night's bus stop party??

Awkward!

Thanks to the boom in social networking we can now see the intimate details of hundreds of people's lives at the click of a button... But what happens when those intimate and juicy details that we love so much become boring self interested statuses and millions of 'selfies'?
Personally... I'm a big fan of the unfriend option. A digital removal of the blot on your screen... I love it.

With the relief of clicking that button comes the the small dread of meeting the recent victim of your friend 'dead-heading' and answering the question... 'Why can't I see you on Facebook anymore??' Being an over-eager beaver with my favourite option, I have frequently been asked this to which I give honest replies. Generally 'Your last status really offended me' (usually something racist or small minded and judgmental that I refuse to associate myself with) to 'To be perfectly honest I can't see another picture of you pouting ever again'.

But there is nothing quite like being overtired, in pain (pulled my shoulder) and climbing the stairs to the top deck to find one of your dead heads... You smile and nod, sit away from them and engross yourself in something... But they just can't stand it. They have to know, so they move seats and they ask that question... To which I reply...
'I can't read how much you hate the government for not giving you benefits even though you think you deserve them anymore. Get off your bum and get a job!'
Safe to say that ended the conversation and led to a loaded silence for the next twenty minutes in an enclosed space...

AWKWARD!!

Rainy Day Etiquette

Now you must be thinking surely this is going to be a moan... And you'd be right!! After being poked in the head and eye by people unwilling to put down their umbrella before they step on the bus his morning I am severely annoyed!
And it's not like these people are even protecting made up hair amd lovely clothes... One woman was in black tracksuit bottoms with a red stripe down the side, white trainers, a waterproof jacket and a PANDA hat, two sizes too small, crammed on her skull. This is the woman that poked me in the eye...
So I sit here bloodshot eyed and miserable and ask... Good people of Britain! We are so used to this abysmal weather we are a few years away from development of duck feathers! Relinquish your brollys for the thirty seconds in the queue for the bus!!
Not like they put them down in the shelter either... Now that really gets my goat...

Easter Monday Sunshine

Happy post for once... No moaning today!

Just thought I'd share the glorious view from the top deck. Lovely day for bus travel!

Top Deck Suffocation...

Nothing worse than climbing the stairs to the top deck to hit a wall of heat... First thing I do now is open a window before I take a seat. This frequently gains me dirty looks and muttered comments from those happy to die of hyperthermia in a pool of their own sweat...
Sat opposite a father and son today, the father is pro hyperthermia apparently. As I sit here I can hear his son complaining of the heat and a sore head. His father stops all the poor boy's attempts to open a window.
As I'm not a fan of seeing children pass out... I got up and opened two... :-D
The smile from the little boy was worth the dirty look from the father.

Noise Control...

So everyone has a mobile phone these days... I'm blogging from one right now. But when did they become loud speakers??

Currently sat behind one of the most obnoxious kind of phone user... The 'I use loud speaker for every phone call' guy... Not only do you hear his shouted side of the conversation but also the distorted man in space on the other end.

It makes you wonder what kind of landline phone this guy grew up with... Hand held radios perhaps??

Well apparently he's getting off work for an hour and his house has off road parking space... Now wasn't that so interesting that you couldn't bear to live without knowing it?

The Pensioners on the Bus go...

Well they don't queue for a bloody start! You would think that as the older generation of British society they would have it down by now. We British don't have much going for us... We're pasty, grumpy and have a sense of humour that no one else in the world can understand; but we can queue. Queue with silent dignity for hours on end...

Unless, apparently, you're a pensioner at a bus stop. Then it's walking sticks and false teeth at high noon!

And don't even get me started about when you're on the bus! When you've crawled your way from the back of the queue and you're on the bus, then begins the assault course. Commando crawl under the sticks, back flip over the wheely shopping bags and drag yourself up the stairs through the smell of out of date perfume and cat pee... Your prize: the back seat.


Separate bus for the over 60s please!!

Early Morning Pick Me Up...

For many people the choice of morning drink is tea or coffee... For this man... It's alcopops.

Sat quietly, on at the back on the top deck, reading yesterday's newspapers he makes his way through a jangling bag of multicoloured poison at nine in the morning.In comparison I sit reading Mansfield Park thinking I'm being daring by allowing myself an extra sugar in my tea.

WHAT A REBEL !

Men are like buses...

If the old adage were true and men really were like buses then we would no longer have to worry about the world's over population. It appears there are no buses!! And judging by the wide variety in the queue the gene pool would be better off...

I'm cold...

Teenagers...

Why stand in the bus stop when it's sleeting wearing t shirt and leggings, sneakers and no socks and a parka jacket with the hood up but not zipped up moaning it's cold?!?!?!?

INTELLIGENCE RIGHT THERE.